Sunday 26 April 2009

I am a Criminal

... and I should be punished.

What have I done? I have breached one of New Labour's laws. I have done so blatantly, knowingly, and intentionally. In doing so, I have secured a small but definite private profit for myself and caused loss to at least two other people.

I have ... wait for it ... swapped over a light switch in the kitchen. You see, the main light switch started playing up a while back and has become steadily more unreliable since. However, there is an identical switch elsewhere, which is little used. So I hatched my evil plot; to remove the non-functional switch and install it in the unused location, and fit the thus-freed switch for fitting in the important location. 20 minutes later, they are swapped.

However, I failed to give notice of this change in my electrical system to the local council. I failed to ensure that a suitably qualified electrical installer was engaged in order to carry out the task. Instead, I noticed that we had a snag and just got on with it. Myself.

I have, of course, deprived a local electrician of a job. I have also deprived a local council employee of a brief moment of purpose with which to justify his existence. I have saved myself the cost of the application and the electrician; I have thus profited from my crime at their expense.

I wait, nervously, for the 6am raid....

7 comments:

  1. One of the horror stories my Dad used to tell to illustrate to us Children of Thatcher was a plan hatched by the Postal Unions to get the government to grant a monopoly on the installation and repair of anything connected to the phone system, on the grounds that if something sub-standard were to be installed the whole country would come grinding to a hideous halt.

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  2. Patently, what makes you think you need to commit a crime to be raided?

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  3. Good story, BE. I see that the country seems to have coped (somehow) since then despite the range of telecoms equipment that has since been introduced!

    Good point Albert - that reassures me. (I think?)

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  4. of course, if you ever do get an electrician around now, he will look for the UV guild stamp on your work, suck his teeth and decree a complete rewiring necessary before it is safe for him to touch ;-)

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  5. ... and immediately lose the job to someone willing to be more reasonable!

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  6. "However, I failed to give notice of this change in my electrical system to the local council. I failed to ensure that a suitably qualified electrical installer was engaged in order to carry out the task."I bet you used a ladder without the appropriate training too!

    And are you planning on using anything other than an ecofriendly light bulb in that light? I just bet you are.

    I know your sort...

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  7. Now you mention it, Julia, I think I also failed to cone off the relevant area of the kitchen with cones conforming to the relevant BS 873:Part 8 D2...

    :o)

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