The last of the major party manifestos was published today. It is, of course, the most eagerly awaited manifesto, and probably the one with the most readers.
I give you, therefore, the manifesto of the Monster Raving Loony Party.
1. Health & Safety: We propose to ban Self Responsibilty on the grounds that it may be dangerous to your health.
2. MPs' Expenses: We propose that instead of a second home allowance, MPs will have a caravan which will be parked outside the Houses of Parliament. This will make it easier, as flipping a caravan is easier than flipping homes.
3. Eurofit: The European Constitution will be sorted out by going for a long walk. As everyone knows, walking is good for the constitution.
4. The Speaker in the House of Commons will be replaced by the latest audio equipment
5. To help the Israel/Palestinian Problem, we will get rid of the old road map, and replace it with a new sat nav instead
6. European Union: It is proposed that the European Union end its discrimination by creating a "Court of Human Lefts" because their present policy is one-sided.
7. Education: We will increase the number of Women teachers throughout the education System as we are strong believers of 'Female Intuition'
8. Immigration and Population: I propose that we cap the population of this country. We have too many people for such a small country, so we will Cap the number of people residing here at present rates (approximately 63 million, give or take 10 mill) on the basis of one out, one in (excluding Births).
Regarding Immigration... Any Person who can prove that they or their descendants emigrated to the U.K before 55 A.D can stay. All the others will be repatriated to their original country. (Well, we have to draw the line somewhere)
9. We will ban all forms of Greyhound racing. This will help stop the country going to the dogs.
10. Afghanistan, Iraq and the War on terror. There's nothing funny about this. However, as we have not found any Taliban terrorists in Derbyshire, our soldiers can all come home now.
Hey, it's no loonier than a lot of the stuff from the three main parties... ;)
ReplyDeleteI have read the full Raving Loony Manifesto. On education they propose to reduce class sizes by moving the desks closer together! To combat global warming, they propose to put air conditioning units on the outside of buildings!
ReplyDeleteBut not all of their ideas are daft. Their pledge to reduce childhood obesity by telling parents to feed their children less junk food is not loony at all.
On political sleaze, they believe that an MP’s salary is quite sufficient for the average person to survive on and that their expenses are too high. These expenses would instead be distributed to the poor and needy.
On electoral reform, the age at which people can stand for election would be reduced to 18. At this age you can vote, drink, and do almost anything else, except run for Parliament. Elections would be held on weekends to increase voter turnout.
On the environment, their policy includes the planting of more trees, and also proposes severe penalties for littering.
Speed cameras would be abolished in favour of automatic speed limiters operating in built up areas. Its answer to the fuel crisis is that we should walk more. Politicians in future would be required to use public transport.
They also propose that everyone should have free connection to the internet to improve education and help British business compete in the global market.
As the late Lord Such would say: Vote Loony - you know it makes sense!
1. Health & Safety: We propose to ban Self Responsibilty on the grounds that it may be dangerous to your health.
ReplyDeleteDon't you just hate it when political parties put ideas in their manifestos which the sitting government has already implemented.