In favour of minimum pricing

No, not for alcohol.  I buy that (from time to time), so I don't want its price creeping up, thank you.  Where we need minimum pricing is in intellectual property services.

You see, there is a constant pressure from our clients to reduce costs, but this works against the professionalism that we want to bring to our work.  A patent application is not an easy thing to write - we need to think about each individual invention and craft a set of claims around it in a way that captures that invention with elegance and clarity.  This takes time, yet our clients want us to get a move on and not charge so much.

The problem, of course, is that the end result of inadequate care when drafting the application usually only manifests itself much later.  Clients cannot usually tell the difference between a good text and a bad one, so in their own best interests we need to ensure that they all benefit from the finest patent drafting.  We need to raise standards across the profession and make those high standards available to all.

The obvious solution to this self-evident problem* is simple.  We need to prohibit any patent drafting work from being done by unqualified people and place a lower limit on the cost of new patent applications.  This will have a twofold benefit.  First, we ensure that the drafting is done by someone who has demonstrated their ability.  Second, we ensure that those people have enough time in which to really think through the idea and come to understand what distinguishes it from all the rubbish ideas that came before.

Some might say that this will lead to patent attorneys putting their feet up, relaxing, and churning out the same old rubbish while just hiking their prices accordingly.  I sincerely hope so Nothing could be further from the truth - this will be a major leap forward in patent quality and we will soon invent** a way of measuring this which proves it.  This will propel British businesses forward on the world stage, increase competitiveness, increase growth, create jobs, and solve the deficit AND the debt.  Anyone who objects to higher prices for patent attorneys is therefore in favour of recession, unemployment, and national financial disaster.

Of course, some inventors will now find our services to be unaffordable.  For them, there is a clear need for Government support, and a new Department of Inventor Support will be needed through which funds can be channelled to pay for their new patent applications and any other stuff we can slip past them.

There you have it -  a road map to economic recovery for the nation.

*pun intended

**which I intend to patent, thereby winning twice



(For anyone who may be confused, this post is pure satire and does not represent my real views...)